I have to restore entries from a backup that is not entirely reliable in the date/time that the entries were posted. The good news is that I have a backup.
I have posts in the pipeline, I need to make time to polish and publish them. Stay tuned to this channel.
It's been two months since my last update. I've been busy. I guess. Or lazy. Hard to say.
I do know that I'm struglling again with motivation. I don't seem to be able to move like I used to. I'm a bit stuck behind the screen. I tend to lose myself in Youtube (mostly Shorts) or doomscrolling Reddit. I am aware of these habits and I have a bit more power to disengage with them and for this I am grateful. Else I'll lose myself.
My best friend told me recently he's lost desire to do anything but watch Youtube. I hear him loud and clear. I've been able to remove myself from social media1, but I haven't been able to kick the Reddit habit. There's a lot of utility in Reddit and Youtube, and they are designed to keep you on that site. Much like AI chat is designed to keep you engaged and on that site. Our shorter attention spans are klilling us slowly and we don;t even notice it.
I've been feeling off lately. I am not sure how long I've been feeling it and it might have a lot to do with the passing of my father. It took a while to find the right words to describe what I feel and I think I can succinctly describe it as follows:
I have the desire, and lack the motivation.
I have a list of things I want to do, yet I really struggle with the actual doing of things. I attribute this to laziness, though my partner is inclined to not belive this at all and instead tells me that she doesn't see lazy when she looks at me or what I do.
My strength is perseverance, it's also my weakness. I persevere through a lot. I have the thought that I do a lot, and that's not enough. I was talkign to friends this past weekend and the feeling is mutual amongst us. On Friday I came across a post on Reddit that resonates with me. It does a better job of describing how I feel about myself than I seemingly can.
In an effort to help myself with this, I've stopped multi-tasking most things. I'm no longer listening to podcasts while I work. I don't have the idiot box on in the background while I work on my hobbies. I don't have any media playing in the background while I do dishes, or shower. I'm cutting off the sources of noise that may be contributing to my overload. I'm not sure this will work or is sustainable. After all, I am arguably less productive with not consuming media while I do tasks. I have the thought that ultimately this will be in my favour, as I'll be inclined to give up some podcasts that no longer help me. It's a task I've been long delaying.
I will report back here and see how it's been going in a month.
